If you're tired of your boring, rubber rain boots, consider getting a pair of Kabkabs. These shoes were invented in the 14th Century, and were originally intended to help women avoid muddy streets. I'm sure they're just as comfortable as they are practical. Oh, and they were also used so that child brides didn't look so short compared to their adult husbands, but maybe we can just ignore that tidbit for now. 

The unholy spawn of platform shoes and stilettos, somehow these atrocities managed to successfully make it off of the runway and into department stores. Celebrities started to wear them on the red carpet in the late 2000s, and occasionally you can still find regular folks wearing them on the streets today. They are quite difficult to walk in – but so are normal high heels – so why not go the extra mile with these statement shoes? But don't actually walk a mile in them, because you'd definitely fall over. 

Lady Gaga rocked these shoes along with a meat dress at the 2010 MTV Music Video Awards. If you're into the look, stop by your local grocery store and pick up some thinly sliced raw beef to replicate it. Just don't wear these on super hot days, or the meat might cook through. On second thought, do wear these on a hot day. If you sprinkle on some salt and pepper, you can simultaneously make a fashion statement and a delicious dinner. You won't even have to worry about perfume – you'll smell delicious!

Poulaines were popular throughout the 1400s in Europe. The longer the toe, the more money you had, obviously. 

Have you ever attended a cocktail party and worried what you would do if you suddenly had to go for a swim? Or maybe you love to swim but wouldn't be caught dead in flats. Unfortunately, these shoes are not commercially available, so if you relate to either of these situations, you're out of luck. 

If deciding on what pants to wear AND what shoes to wear is too much responsibility for you, here's the solution.

I challenge you to name one thing, one single thing in this entire wide weird world, that says "1997" like these shoes.

So you can kick your enemies in the face with, uh...style?

Why? Because. Just...because.

Remember CD players? Remember boomboxes? Remember popping a fresh mini-CD into your sweet Music Player Kicks and walking down the street, music skipping with every step? Yeah, me neither. 

Because two heels are better than one.

Stomp stomp glub glub.

A less humane variation on the fish shoe.

Yes, these were made by Nike. No, they are not made from real feet. Yes, they are more fashionable than toe shoes.