How to Survive Your Summer Internship
You can do it.
1. Make an Excellent First Impression
The first impression you make on your coworkers will have a tremendous impact on your success at this job. Smile. Make eye contact. Mirror their movements, mannerisms, and facial expressions. Match their accent and cadence perfectly. Everyone loves a good impression.
2. Establish Dominance
The first day of your internship is not much different from a convict’s first time walking into the prison yard. You need to earn respect early and swiftly. Find the weakest employee in the office. Break him.
3. Demonstrate Leadership Skills
In order to be promoted all the way to upper management, you need to be able to establish yourself as an authority figure. Exhibit to your boss that you are capable of ascending in the ranks by putting yourself in his shoes. Sit at his desk. Eat his lunch. Wear his shoes. Steal his car. This will show him that you are just as capable of doing his job as he is.
4. Be A Social Butterfly
The most important part of any job is relationships, and the majority of relationships are built after normal working hours. Never turn down an opportunity to grab a beer with a fellow intern. This will give you a chance to get them drunk and convince them that they don’t want a job at this company anyway – what they really want is to take out a loan and finally open that food truck they’ve been dreaming about. Now you’re one step closer to a job offer after your internship is over. Repeat as needed until you are the only intern left.
5. Communicate Effectively
E-mail etiquette is becoming increasingly important as companies grow. Be polite and concise when composing emails. Make sure that your message does not contain any grammatical or spelling errors. It is best practice to always hit “reply all” when responding. This shows your coworkers that you believe your input to be relevant to every person involved. If possible, send each email to the entire company roster – even if it's about something as trivial as company lunch break policies.
6. Be On Time
Promptness is a sure sign of workplace initiative. Show up early. Stay late. Stay overnight. Sleep under your desk. Wash yourself at the water cooler. Scavenge for breakfast items in the conference room trash can during early morning meetings. Tunnel into the area behind the break room fridge. This is your office now. Make yourself at home.
7. Do Your Research
If all goes well, at the end of your internship you may be asked to interview for a real job. Before your interview, it is important to do plenty of research on the company. This shows initiative and that you don’t mind working independently. In addition, be sure to do some research on your interviewer. Casually slip in the address of their child’s school, what they were wearing last night before bed, and any known allergies, etc. This is another situation where consistent and unbroken eye contact is important. Don't forget to smile.